The next five years are the dark years in Tisha’s short life.
There was a time . . .
When you were sixteen.
Confusion, emotions
Appeared on the scene.
We loved you so.
No future this day.
A color shone forth
The light was Gray.
Early in these years, we take a combined family and business trip to Washington DC, Williamsburg and Atlanta. I’m speaking at a couple of conferences while the girls see the sights. Tisha meets Meg who has moved to Washington DC with her parents. Meg’s dad is a Captain in the Navy. This is a very nice reunion for T.
Over Christmas of 1988 we share a home with the Embree family at Tahoe Donner. We ski Squaw Valley for the week. Tisha skis with Chris Embree while the rest of us ski the easier slopes.
We are very concerned with Tisha’s grades and her attitude. It is not belligerent -- not bad, just “soft”. We are moving from confusion and lack of self esteem to drugs.
T’s nickname at Torrey Pines is “Sly”. This is because of the almost sexy droop of her eyes much like “Sly” Stallone. Tisha takes a school skiing trip over her 16th birthday. She comes back in a bad mood. What’s going on?
We buy Tisha a car, the Acura, for school – special license plate of IBTISH. Tisha starts dating a “surfer” guy. We find out later that he is also a local drug dealer.
We go to Hawaii for what we believe will be our last “family” vacation since Tisha will be going to college in a few years. Tisha is becoming a beautiful young lady, but with a dark cloud around her. Nothing bad -- things just aren’t working out right.
This is a time when as a family we are uncomfortable. Tisha is out of sync and we don’t know what to do.
Before Tisha’s senior year, we consider changing high schools -- inquire in Arizona, Santa Fe Christian, etc. We take T to a child psychologist who, after a number of visits, assures us that Tisha is not involved in drugs, just going through the typical teen problems.
The next thing we know, Tisha is in a drug rehab program, Harbor View. Our fourth scare. This scare is significant. From there, we find out she is also suffering from an eating disorder. It seems as if T is on a down escalator with no way to get off. Nancy and I are absolutely unprepared for this turn of events. Naive is an understatement. The family and T go through counseling with a lot of family introspection.
We have no idea where we “went wrong” in raising the T. After drug rehab, Torrey Pines HS lets us down again. Although Tisha becomes addicted to drugs at Torrey, they do not want “this type” of student at Torrey when she is out of rehab. I guess it is ok to use drugs or sell drugs at Torrey just don’t try to rehab there. She is sent to a drug infested alternative high school, Sunset High School. Nice man runs it but it is a school where failure is built into the system. Too many lost souls all struggling with drug, alcohol or psychological problems and then pushed from the mainstream. Tisha should not be here. She knows it. We know it. She is!
T relapses, her self esteem is completely gone. She becomes one of those lost souls. Our intervention is to send Tisha to Hazelton in Minnesota for another drug rehab program. The hardest thing we’ve had to do in our married lives. We are in a world where we have no control nor knowledge. We work to get more information. We hope that Tisha will work hard to put some tools in her toolbox that will allow her to stop the downhill free fall she is in. Nancy accompanies Tisha via train to Minnesota.
The program is tough. We, Nancy, Brooke and I, fly back to Minneapolis when she is released from Hazelton to a half way house. It is winter in Minnesota. Tisha is struggling but she got through the first part. Now it is time to see if she learned anything.
Through Minnesota’s enlightened program for “kids at risk”, Tisha starts on the road to recovery. She lives at a half way house, Way 12, in Wayzata, MN. They teach Tisha lessons on how to live on her own. The kids at Way 12 don’t understand Tisha. She and they don’t know how a child from an “Ozzie and Harriet” family could end up at Way 12. She just did.
While we are in Minnesota, Nancy and I visit Wayzata High School in Wayzata, MN. It is a refreshing difference from Torrey Pines High. Wayzata has a program to keep their “at risk” kids in school and in the mainstream. We enroll Tisha at Wayzata High School for her last semester of her senior year. Tisha lives at Way 12 and attends classes at Wayzata High where she gets her high school degree. Kellie Osmond travels with us to T’s high school graduation from Wayzata High. Who would have thought that T would graduate from a mid-west high school. Life does indeed have strange twists. It is now early summer in Minnesota. Tisha is so fragile, so alone during this time. We can only pray that she will succeed with her recovery.
After her graduation, Tisha comes home for the summer.
Nancy, in her own form of suffering with Tisha, starts gaining knowledge regarding teenage alcohol and drug addiction. From being possibly the most naïve parents in the country, we both start learning about the dark side of growing up. Experiences neither of us had in our youth. Nancy starts counseling other parents. Through her relationship with Louise Stanger, Nancy is made an advisory member of the Student-to-Student Board at San Diego State. She takes a very proactive approach to Brooke’s education and helps start the “UNI Cares” program, a drug awareness program, at University of San Diego High School. (Note: Torrey Pines High School was not an option for Brooke.) Tisha comes to love this part of Nancy. Her involvement. Her caring. Over time, they grow together with a common cause, Tisha’s well being.
College is now our concern. When T was twelve, we were talking of Stanford. When she was 17, we didn’t know if she would graduate from high school. At 18, it is time for Junior College. She starts JUCO at Questa JC in San Luis Obispo. We find her a nice apartment in town where she has two male roommates, the McGlynn bothers, from Solana Beach. School doesn’t work -- to many opportunities to fall back -- which she does. Tisha drops out of school, moves back to San Diego (not into our home) and starts back sliding. She finally hits bottom through a combination of tough love and self destruction.
Tisha starts the long climb out of the abyss. She moves to LA and tries her hand at acting. She lands small walk-on parts in some movies and TV sitcoms. She starts JUCO again in Orange County, Coast Community College, starts dating a recovering user, Bryan. Through their mutual support, they both start the climb. Tisha is working as a waitress and going to school while trying to figure out what she is going to do with the rest of her life.
We take Tisha and Brooke to Europe for a belated graduation gift for T. Twelve of the eighteen days of this trip Tisha is sick with the flu. From France to Belgium to Germany, Tisha is throwing up, losing weight and becoming dehydrated. After a three day stay in a hospital in Germany, Tisha starts feeling better. Our stay at Lake Lugano, Switzerland is our best on the trip. T says she would like to come back here for her honeymoon whenever that happens. It was such a great trip -- to bad Tisha was sick for most of it. Where is Tisha?
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